How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
