look no pants
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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