Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
