if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I AM VODKA MAN
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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