i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
