They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize