2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
