got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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