So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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