I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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