GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
