did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
