I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize