I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
