she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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