dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
