yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
