Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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