Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
