there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
