My nipple is on Facebook.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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