I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
