you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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