i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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