My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Is it because I queefed?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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