Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize