You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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