fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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