It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
