I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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