His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I am available for nakedness
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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