Where is the hickey?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize