girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
