I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My bed smells like the plague
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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