i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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