Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize