she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
