conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
