booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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