I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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