you guys were way drunker than both of me
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
bring money and cleavage
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
And then he peed in my hair
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