How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
