We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
