the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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