Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
