i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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