is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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