Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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