when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
