epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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