Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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