she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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