I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
