Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
