am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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