Define "chronic" masturbator.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
