I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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