GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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