my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
