I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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