is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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