I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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