god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize