the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
