How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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