my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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