i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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