you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
