What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Less talking, more tequila
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
