So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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