I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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