why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
