but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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