Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
