Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize