so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
