so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
