Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
