dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
