If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
